This time if year is feast or famine for me. I’m either doing great with all the general chaos of my life or I’m fighting sinus infections or colds (add in a vicious case of stomach flu this year) and I feel like I’m either in recovery of one thing or down for the count with something else.
My lack of consistent exercise and a good health routine hasn’t helped my immune system and my recent blood work at the doctor’s office confirmed that. I’m in the normal range, but in the low end. The one thing I register on the low end of the scale for and it’s not the ranking I should have.
Bummer.
Now I discover my journey to wellness has been sidetracked. For the past week, I’ve felt constantly winded. I’ve had asthma since I was 7y so I recognize when I’m starting to have problems, but when I’m trying to train for a half- marathon and I’m winded walking from my car into the grocery store, I feel a tad annoyed and scared. Have I let myself get so out of shape, so heavy, that I’m having these kind of health issues?
Yes, I’ve called my doctor and yes, I’m being treated, but the frustration and fear remain.
So what helps with that? Eating of course and now I can see myself heading back to where I started in my nutrition journey. No, I haven’t gained the weight back I’ve lost (about 8-10 pounds) and I’m very aware of my potential to gain the weight back (which would make it harder to breathe), but I could easily do so with my annoyance at my lung capacity. It’s an easy way for me to cope, even though I know it’s counter-productive.
I should be more worried that I’m probably out of the half-marathon (it’s November 14th) and the registration fee, but the shortness of breath has me not only angry, but freaked out.
Again, the pathway to emotional eating.
It doesn’t help that we’ve already purchased our Halloween candy for the multitude of trick-or-treaters that will be arriving on our doorstep in a weeks time. The bags of sweets are calling to me from the pantry and for now, I’ve had the tenacity to hold their siren calls at bay, but it’s only a matter of time before I start sneaking in there (or think I’m being sneaky, candy wrappers are so loud!) and down a few (handfuls of) Hersey’s delectibles and follow that with a shot of guilt and shame.
(sigh) How do I get to where I’m going to be healthy without killing myself in the process?
I can’t imagine what it’s like for abusers of legal and illegal drugs when they are trying to “clean up.” I have to imagine it’s something simular to nutritional changes and (bad) food withdrawl.
Even as I write this, I’m taking a breathing treatment and feeling very discouraged. Did I set my immediate goals too high for myself? I didn’t try to start at the top, but maybe I should have shot for a basic workout routine to be established versus training for a half marathon. With me having problems for months, this past week being worse than normal, I had to think it was all from my inactivity and weight. Maybe so, but maybe I’ve had a low grade respiratory thing going on for months and my fatigue and non-exericise routine was due to it. Kind of running in a circles and I’ve got to figure out how to try to break the cycle, but it takes time. It takes patience, baby steps, and a realization that I can’t do it all overnight. I didn’t get into this bad of shape in a few days, I won’t fix myself within a few days and signing up for a race.
I keep telling myself to do what I can and today I went to Kung Fu class and did fine. I took breaks when I needed it and got through it. Before hand, I did take my medications as directed and did fine. I’m tired, but I’m feeling good about exercising.
Baby steps to getting out of the cycle of being sick.
Just keep at it. Its hard work making big changes. For the first time in my life, I’m fighting with weight and though its not huge numbers, I can empathize with your frustration. Its especially hard when it feels like everytime you start making progress, you get sick or injured, kids get sick, there are 50 deadline looming and not enough hours in the day.
Keep up with the small changes and make a point to look at your schedule before the start of the week to determine when you will fit in your exercise. Even if its 3 -4 chunks of 10 minutes, it adds up. I’ve had to change my attitude about needing atleast 30-45 minutes or its not worth it. Now that I’ve given myself permission to work out even if its only 15 minutes, I’m finding that I’m getting more of my exercise in.
Tell Steve to take the candy and put it in his office and work only to return it to the house for Halloween. We have ours hidden in a closet upstairs in a bin under clothes that need to go to the resale shop. I had to put it AWAY when I started sneaking a piece here, a piece there…
That 8-10 pounds is a great start and just stay motivated (and away from Starbucks!)
Hugs!
Great post, Patricia! Man, I have lived my entire life on a weight rollercoaster. I’m with ya.
Get better, girl! And yes, in all things, stick to small goals. The sense of accomplishment helps carry you along.
Turning 40 was great, but packing on 10lbs, that I had lost before the Summer began is annoying. I am a stress eater. I try to eat proportioned meals…but they all just taste so good, as of late, that I can not help myself. I also find it hard to find motivation to exercise, but I need to exercise to get my motivation.
I am also sick of being sick. I have found that telling myself, “I AM NOT SICK!” makes a huge difference, but it could also be the behind the counter sever cold and flu non drowsy potion that keeps this Mommy of 4 going. Good luck and remember to think positive about your health, your subconscious is listening.
Aw, I’m sorry to hear that you have been sick so much this fall. Our allergies seem worse than usual, and even taking Zyrtec hasn’t been helping me.
I *cannot* imagine training for any kind of marathon. Period. 🙂
I also didn’t realize that you’d had asthma as long as I’ve known you – we’d have met around 7 or 8, right? Mrs. Wiens 3rd grade class or were you in Mrs. Littlefield’s class (2nd grade)?
Yes, the rules for Halloween candy is to buy things you don’t like and then take the leftovers to the neighbors’ kids before you go to bed that night, but we disobey both of those rules.
Keep the faith!