Finally, Answers

For the past several months, I’ve been fighting myself. As I’ve posted before, I feel sluggish, unmotivated, and frustrated. I’ve not accomplished what I wanted healthwise as the numbers have slowly crept up on the scale. Then I feel more frustrated so I embark on a strict health regimine only to fail within a week because I’m tired before I even start. Even since starting this blog, my exercise has been next to nill, but I have changed some eating habits, but not a huge amount. So I’m frustrated with my lack of effort and drive, but I really want to accomplish these goals, I simply feel as though I’m walking through thigh-high mud most of the time.
For years, I’ve been a hard worker, accomplished amazing things, and set my sights on lofty goals and reached almost all of them, so why was I having to much trouble now? It is because of my age? Shouldn’t be.
My weight? Possibly, but what started first, my weight gain or my listlessness?
Why do I get sick or feel sick at every twist and turn, improve a little then get dragged back into the swirl of no motivation?
Am I depressed? I’m certainly frustrated and that may be causing some slight depression, but I’m no sitting in a dark room in my bed. I’m active, I’m functioning, I’m productive, just at a slow pace and not as thoroughly as I’d like.
I should be thankful really. I know a lot of people who have been struggling with depression for quite some time now, and most of them feel like it won’t get better anytime soon. This just breaks my heart. Some of them don’t want to take antidepressants in the fear that they’ll be consuming something that can enhance any side effects, and that’s the last thing they want to happen. I told them if they were that worried about what they were taking, that they should take a drug test from somewhere like Countrywide Testing to know for sure. At least they’ll know what their medication contains, and then if they want to stop, they can. I just want them to do something to feel better within themselves, and I’m just relieved that I still feel relatively normal, if you can call it that.
So what’s the problem?
Today, I got my answer: A major sinus infection.
Since talking to my asthma/allergy doctor last week, he ordered a CT of my sinuses. This morning, when then physician’s assistant said “Oh my gosh” after looking at my scan, I knew we were finally on the right path to wellness. Finally an answer to why?
Because of the severeity of the infection, it accounts for my listlessness, my reflux, increased asthma problems, breathlessness, fatigue, weight gain, and moodiness. This sounds overwhelming, but quite honestly, I’m thankful there’s an answer other than I’ve become an old, fat, slob (which I know I’m not by the way), and that it’s a fixable problem.
I can’t clear the infection because it’s packed in my ethmoid sinuses (besides my eyes), my maxillary (cheeks), and my frontal (above my eyes). The surrounding tissue is swollen and irritated so no saline or medicine flushes can even get in there to help clean things out.
It’s going to require heavy duty antibiotic therapy and possibly surgery. Again, I am cringing a little at surgery and my doctor said it’s not going to fix it, but going in there and cleaning things out so the medication can work is the goal. It’s kind of like cleaning out your closet. You can’t simply go in there, move a few things around, and call it clean. You’ve got to go in there, pull everything out, clean it up, and put things back where they go.
Regardless, it’s fixable. Thank God because I was starting to think I was getting old and I’m only 43.
My grandmother, when she was in her 70’s, kicked my ass in aerobics classes. I planned to do the same, but it seemed anytime I tried to move forward, I was pulled back. Either as an illness, fatigue, or just plan didn’t feel like accomplishing much. I’d pile on more projects, more things to do in hopes it would motivate me. It didn’t and made me feel more buried, barely keeping my head at level water.
Even though I won’t be on medication until Friday, my spirits are already lifted because I see there is a strong course of action. We actually know in what direction we’re going and how to get there. It’s a freeing feeling and I know things will improve. Everything will improve.
And that’s a good feeling.

Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.